# Why Did Jacob Refuse to Be Comforted?

> Jacob refused to be comforted over Joseph. That refusal, the essay argues, is the Jewish stance toward history: we live by possibility, not probability, and one small act can change a life.

By David Raitan · 2025-12-11 · Parashat Vayeshev · https://torahmeirah.com/en/parasha/vayeshev/vayeshev-5786

*These ideas grew out of reading and meditating on Rabbi Sacks's 10 to 15 weekly essays on the parasha, and on his books and worldview.*

Parashat Vayeshev begins with jealousy, betrayal, and deception. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, who dipped his coat in blood and brought it to Jacob to convince him that Joseph had been killed. Jacob saw the coat and declared, [“It is my son’s robe! A wild beast must have devoured him! Joseph has been torn limb from limb!”](https://www.sefaria.org/Genesis.37.33)

The Torah tells us: [“Jacob tore his clothes, put sackcloth on his loins, and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and daughters tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted.”](https://www.sefaria.org/Genesis.37.34-35)

The Midrash explains: [“One can be comforted for one who is dead, but not for one who is still living.”](https://www.sefaria.org/Bereshit_Rabbah.84.21) Jacob refused to be comforted because he had not given up hope that Joseph was still alive. He saw the coat and recognized it as evidence suggesting Joseph’s death, but he refused to believe it.

When his sons said, [“Haker na”](https://www.sefaria.org/Genesis.37.32), “examine the evidence”, this can be understood in a legal sense. Jacob, like a judge forced to acquit while privately harboring doubt, assessed the evidence but remained unconvinced. He continued to hope. And that hope was ultimately justified: Joseph was alive, and father and son were reunited.

The prophet Jeremiah echoes this spirit of hope: [“A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping](https://www.sefaria.org/Jeremiah.31.14-16), Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted… They will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future. Your children will return to their own land.”

To refuse to be comforted is to refuse to give up hope. We do not live by probability; we live by possibility. Hope, not mere optimism, defines us. It is the belief that together we can make things better, not that things will simply improve on their own.

Even history recognizes the power of hope. Passing a synagogue on Tisha B’Av, Napoleon asked about the sounds of lamentation. A soldier explained, “For Jerusalem, lost more than 1,700 years ago.” Napoleon responded: “A people who can mourn for Jerusalem so long will one day have it restored.”

We are that people. Jacob did see Joseph again. Rachel’s children did return to their land. Jerusalem is once again the Jewish home. Evidence may suggest otherwise; history may seem to decree irretrievable loss, but we refuse to be comforted.

How improbable is it that a tiny people, less than one-fifth of one percent of the world’s population, would outlive every empire, Egyptian, Syrian, Babylonian, Greek, Roman, and still sing, Am Yisrael Chai? Judaism is the triumph of possibility over probability.

Maimonides reminds us in the Laws of Repentance: [“We should see ourselves as if our deeds](https://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah,_Repentance.3.4), and those of the world, are evenly poised between good and bad, so that our next act may change both the balance of our lives and that of the world.”

Our actions do change the world. When Joseph’s brothers sought to kill him, Reuben intervened: [“Let us not kill him, but throw him into a pit.”](https://www.sefaria.org/Genesis.37.21-22) He intended to save Joseph, and the Torah says: [“When Reuben heard this, he saved him from them.”](https://www.sefaria.org/Genesis.37.21) If only Reuben had known the full consequences of his act, he might have done more. But we cannot read the book of long-term effects; we act without knowing the ripples of our deeds.

A modern example illustrates this beautifully. In 1966, eleven-year-old Stephen Carter moved with his family to a white neighborhood in Washington. Sitting on the front steps, he watched for signs of welcome, but saw none. Passersby glanced at them but offered no smiles. Then a woman across the street, Sara Kestenbaum, smiled and said, “Welcome!” Minutes later, she returned with drinks and cream cheese and jam sandwiches, making the children feel at home.

Stephen later reflected that this simple act of kindness changed his life. Not coincidentally, Sara was a religious Jew. In Jewish tradition, such acts of chessed, kindness rooted in the belief that humans are made in the image of God, carry enduring power. He wrote: “To this day, I can close my eyes and feel the smooth sweetness of the cream cheese and jelly sandwiches… and I discovered how a single act of genuine and unassuming civility can change a life forever.”

Sara’s simple chessed rippled outward. Like Reuben, like Jacob, like Rachel, she acted despite uncertainty. This is how we make a difference: one life at a time, one day at a time, one act at a time. We do not simply accept the world as it is; we refuse to be comforted by its imperfections and instead strive to make it better through our actions.

We are not inconsequential. Each act of goodness brings the world closer to the world it ought to be. When we act, we become God’s partners in the work of redemption, bringing light into darkness, hope into despair, and life into the world.

## Sources

- [Genesis 37:32–35](https://www.sefaria.org/Genesis.37.32-35)
- [Bereshit Rabbah 84:21](https://www.sefaria.org/Bereshit_Rabbah.84.21)
- [Jeremiah 31:14–16](https://www.sefaria.org/Jeremiah.31.14-16)
- [Maimonides, Laws of Repentance 3:4](https://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah,_Repentance.3.4)
- [Rabbi Sacks, Refusing Comfort, Keeping](https://rabbisacks.org/covenant-conversation/vayeshev/refusing-comfort-keeping-hope/)
- [Rabbi Sacks, How to Change the World](https://rabbisacks.org/covenant-conversation/vayeshev/how-to-change-the-world/)